I ppromd at 23+1 after a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I'd had no issues up untill the week before I'd had quite bad abdominal pain, not like contractions but definitely left me worried.

I rang my local PAU (pregnancy assessment unit) who told me to take painkillers and monitor it, which I did and it did seem to go thankfully.

Fast forward one week and I noticed blood on the tissue when wiped, I rang PAU again who suggested I go in to be monitored, by the time I got there I was losing a lot and filling pads in 15 minutes, things got very serious very quickly but baby's heartbeat continued to stay strong and baby seemed happy.

Over the next few days the bleeding slowed and I was admitted to the hospital and had a scan that confirmed my waters had gone and I had very little fluid around baby and only had one measureable pocket of fluid.

The next few days went very slowly and I was offered a termination, completely out of the question for us and we made it very clear we were in this untill the end, despite the outcome. We spoke with NICU doctors who seemed positive which was nice compared to everyone else who was very very negative. I finally made it to 24 weeks and had both steroid shots which again made us feel very positive again.

Unfortunately the next night I started bleeding again, still no pain and baby seemed happy so we just sat tight. 4/4/16 that night we went to listen in for babies heartbeat just like every night and it took a very long time, I don't remember hearing my placenta and after a long 15 minutes we found my baby boy, again with a strong happy heartbeat. 5/4/16 routine again.. no matter what we couldn't find him, after what felt like forever we had an emergency scan that confirmed it. My baby had died.

My beautiful Macauley was born 48+ hours later and we were allowed a measly day with my sleeping baby, empty and distraught doesn't even come close to how I feel right now.

Everyone tells me it does get easier so I take my comfort in this for now, this journey is still so raw and new to me that I don't have any advice on how to cope other than do whatever feels right to you in that moment and don't ever feel like laughing/crying/being happy or sad is ever bad.